The vast unknown called "Life"

We thought for a while that the Lord wanted us to be serving in Bolivia this next year and following, but it turns out that the Lord's plans may be slightly different from our own (doesn't it always happen that way?). It seems as if we may be serving the world in a more arts-focused approach to missions, but it remains to be seen how it will all come out. For now, we are trying to get involved in our new church, meet with Believers in our neighborhood, and begin to invest our lives a bit here where we live in Chicago. It is difficult sometimes to feel like our lives here have the same amount of purpose and focus that Alli's life in the DR and my family in Mexico have... Sometimes it feels like the place where you live and are from can be the hardest place to serve. Maybe that's just my MK itchiness coming out, or maybe others feel the same way...

I don't mind living in the US anymore. I actually enjoy it now, but still feel like for some reason, ministry elsewhere is more important...more glamorous perhaps. Even though I know it's not. I know that God's plan for the people of Chicago is just as close to His heart as his plan for the people of Haiti, the DR, Mexico, Bolivia, and every other country in the world. I guess sometimes it just doesn't feel that way, especially having lived in other countries and never been fully satisfied with my own.

I guess I just feel like I am spending this semester watching other people's kids so that they can live out their destinies while I change the poopy diapers and deal with their runny noses and crazy tantrums. So how can my life be purposeful with a baby of my own coming, an introverted personality, an unsure future, and a rented apartment?

Winter has never seemed so much to be about waiting as it is this year. I feel like I am waiting for everything, when I should be living in the here and now. I guess I am also disappointed because we were so close to starting a small group with other like-minded believers in the neighborhood and then the other couple bailed today. Eric and I were so sure that this is where the Lord was/is leading us - and now??? That was the first step to really starting to figure out how to do life together with others who have a heart for this neighborhood. With the other couple not willing to commit to us because they want to be in a structured "Married small group", that step is gone. Now what?