No good thing

A week or so ago my husband commented that he was being challenged by a question that was asked him by a good friend.

"If God decides to do nothing significant or spectacular with your life, but just asks you to simply be faithful to him, would you be okay with that?"

This question really hit home for me. The two weeks prior to this conversation I was completely drowning in feelings of discontent and longing for a different life. It was nothing to be really concerned about, but was more "the grass is always greener on the other side" thought process. I was in the midst of a difficult few weeks with my oldest daughter which sent me into thoughts of getting a full time job away from home. Then I began to bemoan the fact that I am an artist who isn't making art. All I do is take care of my family and my home. Really boring stuff. I only really have time for my kids, but no time for myself or to pursue what  I want to do. Where is the excitement? The thrill? Is this really all there is?

And then there is that question. If God is only calling me to simply be faithful and lead a simple and quiet life, am I really okay with that?

I began to see, through my extremely thick sun glasses, that it wasn't actually that I was an artist not making art that was causing my discontent. And it's not about my oldest daughter's behavior either. And even though I spend my days changing diapers and wiping little butts and washing endless dishes and cleaning up everybody and the dog's messes, my discontent wouldn't change if I was spending all day using my college degree and teaching in a classroom either.

Because it isn't about my circumstances AT ALL.

It's about my heart.

And if I am not okay with simply walking with God through the every day of being a mom and raising my kids and caring for my family and my chickens, then there is a serious condition with my heart. 

I may sound like a broken record here, but truth is always worth repeating.
God doesn't call us to anything other than to Himself.
To our lowly human perspectives, that doesn't always look like a really spectacular life. It might look like cleaning up baby poop and putting band-aids on skinned knees and actually getting around to washing those dishes and kissing chubby cheeks and planting my garden and loving my neighbors. 

Completely honest moment? This is hard for me to accept. My husband and I are dreamers. Well, he's more the dreamer and I am the cheerleader, but still. We dream. And we plan. And our dreams for serving in this city and seeing the Kingdom come to Chicago are BIG. 

But what if those are only our dreams, to pass on to someone else who will see it into fruition? What if we are to just be faithful in the small things right now? To have our home available for kids from hurting families in the foster system... To raise our girls and train them up in the ways of the Lord... To love our neighbors and proclaim the Gospel with the way we live and love...

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;

    apart from you I have no good thing.”

Psalm 16:2

And so, I decide. That even if the Lord chooses to do nothing spectacular with my life, still I will be faithful. 

Because apart from Him, I truly have no good thing.