God doesn't call us to be comfortable.

Eric sent this email out to our close friends and family describing what our intentions are with foster care and what that will potentially look like for our family. I thought it would be appropriate to have it here on my blog just in case it might answer some questions you may have about why on earth we are doing this. And chances are, if you are reading my blog, I am sure you have at least one or two questions or doubts...especially since we have kids of our own. We will need all the healthy support we can get. Please lift up our family in prayer whenever you think of it. :-)

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Hey all, If you are getting this email it's because you are family, or close enough ;). As many of you know we have been completing the process of becoming a licensed foster home over the past month. As we have finished the class and have our final home visit today we wanted to fill you in on whats next in our lives. 

First some background. As foster parents in Illinois we are part of a team working to "protect children and strengthen families." This team also includes our agency, social worker, the courts, and the birth parents. Over the last several years Illinois has increased it's focus on the 2nd half of that objective. As a result many preemptive programs have been given more attention to prevent disruptions in the family. Additionally this means that the first goal for every child coming into the foster system is to return home. It's important for you all to know this as we will be actively working with, and championing the birth parents for as long as this remains the goal. Often birth parents have simply never learned what a good parent is. Behaviors that seem obvious to us may not be to them because of their own past. There will be times when a child can't return home, but until the court changes that goal that is what we are working towards. We have had to come to grips with the fact that our perspective of a "better" home is not necessarily part of this decision. 

And that brings us to the other end. We have discussed with our agency that our home is a long term home, meaning that if return home is not an option we would very likely adopt the child who is living with us. This is very important as every time a child is disrupted it severely sets back development in many areas. Imagine a child already ripped away from his family beginning to adjust and then being disrupted again. He's now learned twice not to form attachments because they probably won't last. We want you all to understand that we are making a long term commitment to the kids we take in. We will be working towards return home while also working to ensure that if return home is not an option the child has a permanent place in our family.
   
Bearing these in mind a few things below that we want you to be aware of.

1) While we are foster parents we are the children's caregivers, and we may feel like we are the only ones meeting the childs parental needs, but we are not their guardians and do not have parental rights. This means major (and often minor) decisions are still made by either the birth parent or the state. This can include everything from religious services to medical decisions to hair style. 

2) Any child in foster care has experienced trauma and loss, at the very least when they came in to care and were removed from their families. This means that they may be vulnerable and sensitive to things that other children are not. Things like coming up from behind and grabbing them, tickling, etc could trigger things from their past that we are not even aware of. This can also effect transition times such as mealtimes and bedtimes. IF you notice any strange reactions or behaviors while interacting with the child it is important that we know about them so please tell us.

3) The child's situation, history, and goal (return home or adopt) is confidential. We will be able to speak in general terms, but we can not share specifics of the child's case, so please do not feel offended or slighted if we aren't able to tell you the why behind the needs the child has. Also images of the child should not be posted online, definitely not with names/details. Thanks for understanding.  

4) We have gotten alot of questions about "is this what's best for our family?" The honest answer is "no" but then "yes." Many times we have discussed that this will be hard on our family. This will be hard on Lexi and Lyla, this will be hard on our marrige, it will stretch and test us, and we aren't so naive as to think it won't be hard on some of you, as part of our family. But...We know that we are called to the ministry of reconciliation (2cor 5) and we know that reconciliation is something we live out daily. A dear friend shared this quote with us yesterday and it so perfectly surmizes our call to foster. “God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” We believe that what is "best" for our family is ultimately not the question we should be asking, rather we should be asking how is God glorified through our family. Because ultimately, that is our purpose, and so what is best.

5) A child in our home is a part of our family. They may be here temporarily, but they are no less a part and no more disposable. We need your support in this. On the days when we come to you saying I don't know what were going to do "Send them back" is NOT what we need to hear. We need to hear the same things you tell us about "our" kids. To take a deep breath, remember that they are children, laugh about it, pray about it, love them anyways. We are making a commitment to these children because we believe that is what God is calling us to. Please hold us to that. Rest assured we have a team of professionals, therapists, social workers, and licensing representatives that will monitor if something is beyond our capabilities. From our family we need support to press on in what God has called us to. 

6) We want you to be a part of our family's life! There will be struggles, but we are inviting you to join us in the mission. God has called us to this but we know that we can not do it alone. We are ALWAYS willing to talk about what is going on as much as we are able so please don't hesitate to ask questions.