Friday, March 4, 2011

The Subconscious Meets Celebrity Baby

My computer has been in the hands of everyone other than me this entire week, which may not have been a bad thing, except in borrowing my computer, they are also "borrowing" our internet...as well as the obvious fact that I am left without my computer... it's a good thing I love those guys....

But now it's in my hands again, and after logging out of the various Facebook pages left open, closing all the Magic The Gathering tabs (I live in a building of nerds), and reading Dan's email (just kidding), and putting a reluctant Lexi down for her nap, I am finally able to write.

It's another gray day in Chicago. A day that started out with the soft patters of rain on my window that woke me from an extraordinary dream. It's funny what your subconscious prioritizes during REM sleep. My dream had everything to do with the utter panic I was feeling because I forgot to shave my legs and was wearing shorts, and had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that my friends and I were being chased down a snow covered mountain (yes, I was wearing shorts) by an enormous hungry bear. The moral of the story: shaving your legs when planning to wear shorts takes priority over becoming a grizzly bear's next meal. I'm so glad my subconscious mind took the effort to remind me of this important life fact as a woman in the USA.

Perhaps my brain was on overload from doing way to much the previous day. I somehow managed to lug all of our clothes to and from the laundromat, grocery shopped at Aldi, picked up Lexi's pack-n-play from a friend's house, went to a play date at my neighbor's house, made dinner, created a vegetable platter, went to a birthday party, and put Lexi to bed 3 different times in various locations...all in one day. If I drank coffee, I would have downed an entire pot by now. Since I don't drink coffee, I feel like I'm half alive this morning.

Speaking of Aldi, I confess I am an avid Aldi shopper. Forget the name brands, forget the organic labels. It's Aldi all the way, baby! Every time I go there, I have some sort of strange experience, which always keeps me coming back. One time, there was a lady with full beard, who was arguing with her husband (a clean cut dude) about which frozen pie to buy. Another time, I found a box of Star Wars Legos! And yesterday, I felt like I was walking around with a celebrity baby. Seriously, all we were lacking was the Paparazzi.

I put Lexi in the front of the shopping cart, and entered the store. Sliding doors open. We walk inside. You should have heard the screams. You think I'm kidding. I'm so not. There I was, trying to find a head of broccoli that looked halfway decent (at Aldi you have to be committed to dig a little to find the best), when the store erupted into loud ecstatic screams of "OH MY GAAAAAAWWWWWD SHE LOOKS LIKE A DOLL!!!!!!! OH MY GAAAAAAWWWWWDDDDDD!!!!! JACKIE GET OVER HERE YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!!!!!
Jackie: OH MY GAAAAAAAAWWWWWWDDDDD SHE'S SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! LOOK AT HER STARING AT US!!!!! LOOK AT HER EYES!!!!!!!!

And then everyone was looking. And all of the sudden, there were people FOLLOWING me, TOUCHING my child, TALKING to my child, and hollering at me from ACROSS THE STORE to find out how old she is, etc. I'm not kidding. It was a little creepy.

When I finally made it to the cash register (wishing I had some huge celebrity sun glasses to put over Lexi's eyes, I pulled up the cart for the nice lady to put my food into and ..... "OH MY GAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWDDDD!!!! HER EYES ARE SO BIG AND SO BLUE!!!! HOW CUTE!!!!!! OH MY GAWWWWWWDDDD!!!!! CHERYL, DID YOU SEE THIS BABY???? SHE'S SO CUTE!!!!! O NO I'M SCARING HER!!!! (still shrieking) I'M SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO SCARE YOU!!!!! YOU'RE JUST SOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The crowd flocks once again.

Poor Lexi. She just sat there, her eyes as big as saucers, a look of fear mixed with fascination and utter bewilderment plastered on her tiny face. I give her props for not crying, but secretly am a little proud of her for not hamming it up and smiling and doing the celebrity wave for all her Aldi fans.

It just further proves to me that if you want an exciting grocery shopping experience, Aldi has it all.

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