7 Reasons why grocery shopping with children is more entertaining than shopping alone

 1. You can bribe with food. Good behavior = special yogurt treat that the child can pick out at the store and consume when home. Unacceptable behavior = no yogurt. But then if while in the store the child decides to behave unacceptably, said yogurt must be taken away. Prepare yourself. Much sobbing and screaming is most likely to occur. Thus making the food bribery a very bad idea if you are trying to avoid public disgrace in a grocery store.

2. You may end up bringing unexpected food items home with you. For instance, while you are weighing your bananas in the fruit section because you have a coupon for 2 lbs of free bananas, you may happen to look up and see your daughter leaning over the lowest shelf of baked goods and (with her hands politely behind her back) full on gnawing and licking a large fresh loaf of artisan bread. Face planted in the bread. You will probably take a moment to assess the situation, pull your child gently away and then take another moment to seriously consider leaving the loaf on the shelf and nonchalantly walk on by. But then you will probably see that old man staring at you horrified and will quickly snatch up that incredibly expensive Tuscan loaf that just sent you over your shopping budget for the week and throw it in your cart. I mean, it could happen.

3. You may discover hidden food passions in your children that neither of you knew existed, before this moment. When your daughter passionately says that she must have the package of that German bologna looking thing, and you say "No way," I hope that you are looking your best and remembered to put on makeup and wash your hair and wear something other than the ripped jeans and sweaty t-shirt that you were wearing while digging fence post holes in the dirt in last night.... Because you now have the attention of the entire store as your child bellows and wails and gives you hateful looks with crocodile tears streaming down her face.

4. You may get to experience strange glimpses into the future when you get into the store and your child who has barely completed three years on earth says to you, "Please don't hold my hand." and then politely thanks you when you let go. Think twice before giving in. You may have to buy a pre-licked loaf of bread you weren't planning on.

5. When you arrive at the check out, and are distracted by the lady telling you that your coupon for the free bananas has already expired (even though you only got it last week), you may suddenly discover that it is raining candies and pills as your child pulls them off the shelf one by one. Again, now is not the time to be in grunge mode. You may as well be walking the catwalk.

6. No matter what color or style clothing you dress your youngest child in, everyone will probably think she's  a boy. Prepare to pay mega bucks for therapy in the future all because you accepted a free infant car seat years ago from someone and it just happens to be navy blue. Consider piercing the baby's ears, while cheerfully assuring the people who comment that "No, she is a girl, actually. Did you see that she is dressed entirely in pink?" And then you will probably look down and see that you, in fact, dressed her in blue jeans and a brown sweatshirt.

7. The closer to their naps you shop, the more exciting the trip shopping experience will be! And then the drive home will be even better as you pinch and tickle and do everything possible to keep them awake (even though they are finally quiet) until you arrive home for lunch.

**Disclaimer: This story is based on fictional events. All characters have been made up.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go plan a meal with a rather large loaf of fresh Tuscan bread...