Where we are

I've never been a parent to a child who has experienced trauma before now. And no matter how much they think they are preparing you with hours of training and course materials, you can never be fully prepared when the day arrives that the once compliant, sweet child turns confused and angry and who's troubles seem so deep and so out of reach they cannot be touched, let alone healed.

How do you explain to a four-year-old girl who wants to go home that she can't?

How do you assure her that her mom loves her, but then have to explain why she can't take care of her?

How do you love a child who constantly pushes you away because she's so desperately afraid of losing the family she was torn away from?

It is extremely evident that both our foster daughters have experienced trauma in some shape or form, though the details for us are few and far between.

They need to be loved. But love can't take away the fact that the trauma happened. No matter how much love we give, we all have to accept that the effects of the trauma exist and learn to work through it together.

The past two weeks have been full of a lot of emotions. We have been learning little by little how to recognize the effects of the trauma and how to work with our foster daughter to deal with it appropriately. While her new behaviors and confusion have rocked our family significantly, we are thankful to have a wonderful therapist through our agency who immediately stepped in and got involved. Together we are working to keep our family healthy and strengthen the weak areas while continuing to give our girls the very specific love and care that they need. We are taking teeny tiny baby steps, but at least we are moving forward.

Eric and I are hopeful, but exhausted emotionally and physically. If you are reading this post, we would appreciate it so much if you could take a few minutes right now to pray for our family. We are also in the process of making several big decisions about our future that require a lot of thought and consideration. If I do not write very often in the next few months, all of this is why.

On a lighter note, you know that moment when you haven't stepped on a scale in ages and then you take your kid to the doctor and sneakily step on one? Holy moly. I think it finally hit me that I'm actually entering into my fifth month of pregnancy! Maternity clothes are out of the box and teeny baby kicks are in full swing! Nausea is almost gone and appetite is back, along with that special kind of full and utter exhaustion that only comes with pregnancy. The great name debates have begun, and thank goodness we have Lexi! She's determined that the babe is a girl and will be named Sunshine. On the very slight and unlikely chance that it so happens to be the rare and very unexpected boy (but we all know that with four girls already, how could it possibly?), he will be named Rain Cloud. It makes perfect sense to Lexi. :-)

Yep, kinda freaking out about how fast our family is growing, but still excited to meet our little babe this summer! I would post pictures of my rounding belly, but I barely have time to brush my hair these days, so that's not gonna happen!

Back to the serious, we covet your prayers and encouragement. This is not an easy road we are on, but the Lord very clearly led us here and we are walking in confidence that though hard, His way is also GOOD.