Thursday

Being a mom can be extraordinarily exhausting. This morning my potty training two year old pooped in her pants at the same time I caught Lyla putting Lexi’s baby doll in the toilet and three year old A.K. is crying because my bossy Lexi hit her again for not doing what she wanted her to do. I was feeling nauseated all morning and on the verge of tears and really about to lose it before it was even nine o'clock. Did I really sign up for this?

Eric found half of the leftover pork roast in Lexi's closet the other morning, along with bags filled with crumbs, the empty cookie container, stale pieces of tortillas, and a few other goodies. Funny how it's our own biological daughter that has an issue with stealing and hoarding food while the house is sleeping, when she has never had any reason to, but has been doing it since she could walk.

Lyla is speaking in sentences now. Her most frequently and forcefully used phrases are "NO, I don't want to!" "It's mine!" "I fall down" and "I don't know." Wonder where she learned those from...

But then there are these incredible moments of peace too. Right now A.K. is asleep on the couch while the others are all napping in their beds. She looks so serene. Like an angel and so at peace with herself and life. And I am privileged to be the one that they have chosen to call “Mama.”

Sometimes I need reminders that what I am doing is a good thing and I’m not just throwing my life and prime twenties away by wiping poopy butts and doing mountains of pink laundry and breaking up fights and making piles of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day (we go through almost an entire loaf a day - thank goodness for my bread machine!). 

Yesterday at the doctor’s office the receptionist looked at my chocolate colored kids as I was leaving the office after getting their vaccinations and said to me, “I want you to know that I think you are doing a really great thing.” She has not even the tiniest idea how much her kind words meant to me. Because sometimes I really need reminders that my children that I am blessed with truly are a blessing. Sometimes I am tired and the daily grind is overwhelming and I'm still feeling sick with this pregnancy and I lose sight of what really matters. That what really matters is that I am taking in the wounded hearts of two little girls and offering them love and safety and solace.

When people ask me (and they do constantly) how on earth do I manage with all these little kids, I never really know what to tell them. Because I don't do it well at all. God has bestowed an enormous amount of grace on our family and at the end of each day, I know that it is only He that has brought us this far. And I am thankful that I don't have to carry this alone. Because it would be impossible.

Today I am thankful that I don't have to be the perfect mom. And that it's ok to cry sometimes too. Because God's grace is bigger than any of this. And He is enough.

And hey, we made it through the Polar Vortex, so it can only get better from here, right?! ;-) Right.