New internet space and life update

I haven't written in a while over here at Lifetime of Spring because I've been busy posting over at our new urban farming blog. Check it out at www.citykidsfarm.com.

In the meantime, I do have good intentions for keeping our family life internet space updated, but I'm giving myself some grace since I am, after all, trying to parent five very dependent little kids right now. I know that a lot of you are probably wondering where we are in our foster care process and what the status is of the girls who have been a part of our family since last October. A lot has happened and changed in a year. The foster parents who are loving on two of the brothers of our girls also have a blog. I asked her permission to share the link to her latest post, which describes not only where we are at in the process, but also where we all are emotionally as foster parents. Please read and continue to pray for our family and all the families involved in this case.

http://ourjourneyhome-thestonefamilyblog.blogspot.com/2014/10/in-christ-alone_1.html

While we did not enter into foster care with the sole intention of adoption, we always were open to that as an option. As it stands today, if the termination of rights goes through, we will be the adoptive home for our girls. While this feels so daunting and overwhelming, and at times downright crazy, we know that what we are doing is for the glory of the Father. And as He loves us and adopts us into our family, even as our most unloveable selves, so we should do as well. That's a lot of hard, powerful, sacrificial love. We love these girls as our own. And pray every day that the Lord will grant us the wisdom and grace and love to parent all of the children that have been entrusted to us.

My perfect life. Unveiled.

I find it rather ironic that my last real post was all about my idyllic home birth. Yes, it was perfect. I couldn't have asked for better. But before you start thinking that just because a few hours of my life went according to plan and therefore my everyday life is full of peaches and flowers and sparkly clean floors, let me enlighten you. IT'S NOT.

My kids.
They fight. ALL.THE.TIME. No matter how consistent our discipline is, my two four-year-olds have made very loud tantrums and hitting each other their hobby. Which they practice multiple times daily. I've been potty training one of my two-year-olds since January and she still likes to grace me with bulging panties when she gets mad at me. Yes. She poops out of spite. My other two-year-old is sweet, but good gracious, she is a walking talking TORNADO! Her current favorite past time includes rubbing bars of soap all over her body and then flooding the bathroom floor in an effort to wash it off. Apparently she really likes being clean.
And my baby, God love him. My sweet nine-week-old son. He's adorable, really. But so crabby. SO cranky, when he's not in my arms 24/7. This might work out sweetly if he was my one and only. But let's not forget that I have four other (very dependent and needy) children to take care of. Yes, my days are anything but pretty.

My garden.
"How do you do it all?" They ask. My answer? I don't. Hence why there are no pictures on this post.
Back in February, I did all the preliminary planning. I ordered the seeds, planted the seeds, and watered them for weeks every day while they grew indoors. Once it was warm enough, I transplanted everything into the beds and started a watering routine.
And then my son was born.
Fast forward nine weeks.
I haven't touched the garden. Who are we kidding? I don't have a spare second! Even when my babysitter is here, I end up using all of that time for laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, endlessly nursing, and writing this whiny blog post. Eric is the man behind the amazing garden, friends. He has faithfully watered, weeded, harvested and reseeded ALL SUMMER. He's amazing, I know. He even made all those jars of pickles with me the entire month of July. If it wasn't for him, I would probably have given up on the garden this year and be back to eating squishy Aldi produce. Just sayin'.

My animals.
Again, Eric's territory. I only step in when he is out of town on business, which only happens a few days each month. Otherwise, I love the animals, but he is their man.

Our real food diet.
While Eric and I are in it together, I do most of the day to day cooking. Eric cooks breakfast for the kids each morning (usually whole grain oatmeal or eggs), and I am in charge of lunch, dinner, and snacks. I do the meal planning and shopping as well. Honestly, I've been cooking from scratch (aka, no tv dinners or pre-boxed meals) for so long that it isn't hard for me to whip up a healthy something for dinner. But if I don't plan well, we end up eating quesadillas or rice and beans a little more often than necessary. Which lately, has been a little wee bit more often than necessary! Aldi's take and bake pizzas are a little too tempting as well....

Eric and I have just recently decided that we would like to get away from commercialized food even more, which means that grocery store meat (which we hardly eat anyway) and my survival organic cheerios, need to go, among a few other things (Like, ahem, those take and bake pizzas...). It's a process, but it's been wonderful to eat all of our vegetables exclusively from our garden this summer. It's also nice to be raising non-picky eaters who say things like, "Mama, I LOVE this eggplant!" and "YAY! Lentils for dinner!" and "Tomato cucumber salad is my favorite!" Granted, my two-year-olds are not quite as enthusiastic about this (and usually one ends up throwing her plate on the floor and the other chooses to not eat at all), but they'll learn!

My marriage.
We're normal. We have problems. Some days are better than others. Most days are just plain exhausting with long work hours for both of us. Do we go out enough alone together? No. Do we wish we did? Yes. Do we get more than five minutes a day to chat without interruption? Not usually. Are we still best friends? Yes. Are we still figuring this whole marriage thing out? Yes, absolutely.

My personal life.
Um, do I have one right now? Sometimes I get to take a shower. That's always nice. Usually I'm paying a babysitter so I can revel in that little five minute treat before the baby starts screaming again. Let's just say there is rarely a few minutes in my day that I am not caring for someone else. If there are a few free minutes, I'm sleeping. Even now, my baby is laying on my lap while I type this. I know this is just a season, and babies don't keep and all, but friends, this season is just plain hard. Also, I just had a baby. So my wardrobe is difficult because nothing really fits yet. Let's just say that without frequent showers, no time for sleep or makeup (luxury!), and only gym shorts that fit, (not to mention the spit up!) I'm not much to look at. The good news is that my kids don't care. And probably Eric is too exhausted to notice much either. So we're good. I don't really go out in public anyway. And my art endeavors? I spent nine months making my latest creation, so I'm currently on sabbatical. ;-)

Disclaimer.
This kind of sounds whiny. It's not. I'm not unhappy at all. I love my kids, ALL of them. I don't dread waking up in the mornings and usually we have pretty good days, all things considered. But before anyone jumps to unrealistic conclusions about my life, sometimes we just need a reality check. Even me. And someday, when I am sitting around bored to death with my too clean house and manicured lawn, I will want to remember these days....(or not?).

When you hear moms say that they are "in the trenches" with all their littles, it's true. Parenting little ones is hard. Whether you have one or five.

So there you have it. I'm normal. Very imperfect. Very human.
Speaking of imperfect, I'm reading an awesome book right now called No More Perfect Moms, by Jill Savage. Give it a read. It's worth it.

If you're curious about how we plan to spend the weekend, we had this lovely GIANT branch break off from our resident tree last night... Let's just say we have our work cut out for us over here!

And now back to my fairy tale life of too many children who simultaneously burst into song and choreographed dances when going to bed every night. Maybe I'll even re-purpose those old curtains while they're sleeping! (totally kidding...)

Fall again

If you hadn't noticed, I took the summer off of writing. I didn't really plan it, but I had a baby. And after a rather idyllic birth, said baby decided to cry all the time....ALL THE TIME...for weeks....and WEEKS. Finally, at ten weeks (three weeks ago), Oliver woke up one morning, and was HAPPY. Smiles and giggles all around. Not only that, he began sleeping 6-8 hours straight. EVERY NIGHT. And he goes to sleep for the night at 8:30 or 9. He definitely still likes to be held most of the time during the day, but our crazy crying days and nights are (hopefully) over. More sleep = happier mom. And perhaps more productive mom (if you don't count the laundry that I am seriously avoiding).

Finally I feel more rested and physically recovered. And now it is September. I love my baby, I really do, but how did I miss the whole summer?! I'm finally back on my feet and ready to play and everyone is back in school and ordering pumpkin lattes and I am NOT happy about this.

I am not excited about Fall because Autumn means winter. And winter means freezing cold and always one lost mitten and leaky boots and being inside, always inside. And depression. Winter means depression.
At least it did last winter.
And I'm not ready for that. I don't want it and it's not welcome here. But somehow it always comes. I am dreading it.

So to get back to happy things...
This summer we didn't do any traveling, due to the baby's arrival, and, well, we have five kids four and under. So traveling is not necessarily fun or easy, and any sort of vacation is big bucks with all of us and probably more work than it's worth at this point in time. We spent our days playing at playgrounds and splash pads and in a little turtle sandbox-turned-pool in our yard. We grew vegetables and ate them, made jars and jars of pickles and fresh salsa, milked goats and made cheese, improved our animal's living areas, and day dreamed about moving to the country.

And that's pretty much it! The baby is getting chubbier by the day and the girls are growing out of their clothes and shoes faster than I can replace them. Preschool has started up again and we have entered back into a more structured routine. Although I'm not sure if you can ever call parenting five kids under five "structured," but we manage somehow!

Oliver Michael

Oliver Michael came into this world on Wednesday morning, June 18, 2014, at 7:21 AM.

7 lbs 10 oz, 19 1/2 inches

He was born exactly three weeks before his due date of July 9, which happens to be today.

After a very (very) short and intense four hour and thirty minute labor, Oliver was born in the comfort of our own home, surrounded by a wonderful team of midwives, my mom, my sister, and Eric.

I delivered in a birth pool, and eased him out of my body with my own two hands, pulling him up to my chest upon his arrival. It was nothing short of miraculous and quite possibly one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

No tubes, no IVs, no beeping machines and matter of fact nurses. Just a very skilled team of women caring for me in my own home as my body did its work naturally.

On Monday night, June 16, just shy of midnight, my waters spontaneously ruptured. I was genuinely frightened, since I was still not quite 37 weeks yet and was concerned I would be sent to the hospital due to having a premature baby. Fortunately, although my waters were leaking, I had not gone into labor yet. My midwife assured me that normally when this happens, the body will naturally go into labor within 24-48 hours, but usually within 24. And since I was at this point only one day shy of being 37 weeks, they were still comfortable delivering the baby in my home. The next morning, I was having some contractions, though not regular. Knowing the baby was coming soon, we had my dad come to pick up the girls and my mom came to stay. While I paced the house, my mom and Eric got the house and bedroom ready for the delivery. My midwife came over to check on me and drop off the birthing pool (I was supposed to pick it up the next day at my 37 week appointment), and Eric promptly filled it with air, put in the liner and got it set to go. To go along with our wonderful timing, we also discovered a major plumbing issue that morning in the kitchen and had two plumbers making a giant mess in the kitchen for several hours trying to resolve the issue. They were probably a little more than confused about the pregnant lady wandering around the house aimlessly and everyone else bustling around like crazy people.

I took a nap that afternoon and by 5 PM, all contractions had stopped. My midwife called and told me to go to bed and if labor didn't start on it's own in the night, they would try some of their fail proof natural inductions in the morning (aka Castor oil....YUCK!). I went to bed, slept well, and naturally, dreamed that I was in labor. I woke up around 2:45 AM to discover that as a matter of fact, I was. When I started timing my contractions shortly after waking up, they were already 2-4 minutes apart and increasing in intensity. I called the midwife who was on call, Tera, and she arrived shortly after with her assistant, Annie. Funny story about Annie. When my first born Lexi was born at Swedish Covenant hospital, I was in the care of the midwife practice there. During my labor, they called in a volunteer doula to assist me. Annie. Four years later, at my second prenatal appointment with Gentle Birth Care (the home birth midwife group I delivered Oliver with), Annie and I realized that we knew each other and that she had already been to one of my births! It was wonderful having her assist me again, especially now that I had a relationship with her.

A few hours later, my midwife I had most of my prenatal appointments with, Amy, came over to relieve Tera, who had to catch a flight somewhere. I was so happy it worked out for Amy to be there! At this point, I was now in the warm pool and ready to push. With the encouragement and assistance of my birthing team, Oliver was born soon after, emerging out of my body and into my hands. The most beautiful moment of my life. Laughing and crying, I gently pulled him up out of the water onto my chest and discovered that I had just given birth to a son.

Miracle.

While I realize that not everyone can safely have a home birth and many need much more medical assistance that can only be provided in a hospital, I personally couldn't have asked for a better labor and delivery. Eric and I couldn't have asked for a better experience. We are forever thankful that I was able to deliver in the comfort of our own home, with people that we know and trust. My midwives don't treat me like a patient. They treat me like a person. A woman who they want to get to know and respect and care for naturally to the best of their abilities. This is why I have been in the care of midwives for all three of our children. My only regret is that we didn't have home births with the other two as well!

The Lord is good. Our baby is healthy, I am healthy. Our four girls love the baby, but are adjusting to the new pace and tempo around here. Five kids under five is a lot. We even have to get a special waiver from our foster agency in order to continue caring for our foster daughters (who are in the very beginning stages of the adoption process with us)! If we can do it with four, we can do it with five. I just have to get my strength back first. In the meantime, we're welcoming any assistance we can get. :-)

Welcome to our family, baby Oliver. 

Everything from your conception to your birth 

has been a surprise and a daily practice of joy and giving thanks in all things.

We are so incredibly thankful for you.

May Garden

Our garden this year is truly much more impressive than last year, by comparison. We have added several more garden beds (3 large box beds, 2 medium beds, and 2 beds that border our fences) and five peach trees to replace a tree that we had to take down because it died.

We started all of our plants this year from seed and have been growing many of them since the beginning of March under a timed grow light in our basement.

It certainly paid off considering how brutally long and cold this winter/spring has been. Our tomatoes are vigorous and huge compared to what we are finding other places in the city! Several are already flowering and have little baby tomatoes on them. Our other plants are doing great as well. We are hopefully going to have a bit more produce this year and perhaps starting earlier in the season as well.

Last year, was our experiment year and we decided to let our tomato plants sprawl everywhere and take over. Mostly because we didn't know what else to do. This year, we are trying a support method that grows the tomato vines vertically around ropes. For the small space we have, this may turn out to be great, and will probably look pretty impressive by the time August gets here.

 This year we also planted many varieties of peppers, eggplant, pole beans, bush beans, squash, watermelon (the small ones), pie pumpkins, sunflowers, herbs, salad greens, sugar snap peas, tomatoes, tomatillos, kohlrabi, radishes, carrots, potatoes and rhubarb (which comes up every year in our yard).

And of course, our animals. Who provide us with our milk, eggs, and occasionally meat (when the ducklings grow up and the accident rooster becomes too obnoxious).

And for your amusement, my girls like to practice milking whenever they get the chance. :-)

It is May

I've traded writing and posting pictures to sleeping. And reading books like they are food and I am starving. Welcome to my (approximately) last six weeks of pregnancy. My house is grimy, there are always always always laundry and dishes to wash and fold and stack and put away. I don't remember what color the kitchen floor is when it's not covered in crumbs and dirt. But there are fresh eggs on my counter. There are mason jars of fresh creamy raw milk in my refrigerator. Freshly made cheese on the fridge shelf, and warm bread and salad from the garden for dinner.

I've hit the "nesting" period of pregnancy which has really turned into mental panic because I don't really have the time or energy to scour and scrub and get everything perfect. Honestly I've been spending most of my free time in the garden. There is no nursery to prepare because I don't have an empty bedroom. And by the time my kids are fed and cleaned up and in bed for the night, I am crawling into bed and asleep before 9 PM.

The other day I was lamenting to Eric that our house LOOKS like there are four kids under five living in it. And he looked at me and said, "Um, Beth, that's because there ARE."

And so I have been realizing that our home is what it is. And I am struggling with it, because I would love for it to be pinterest worthy and all, but it's not. And the amazing thing is, THAT'S OK. And whether or not my pantry is organized and all the mail piled high in the kitchen is sorted through, this baby is going to come soon and be loved. And everyone will continue to eat and play and get hugged and kissed and cuddled and clothed and diapered. And if the floors only get swept once a week because that's all I can manage, then so be it. At least we are enjoying our lives and learning to love our five little kids and eating so well.

A lot of people (ok, make that everyone) ask me "How do you do it?" Like I am some superhero mom who has it all together and can parent (almost) five little kids and manage eating a real food diet while gardening and taking care of animals and foster parenting (which can be VERY very different from normal parenting much of the time). Here's the truth.

My life doesn't feel extraordinary.

And it certainly isn't glamorous.

There are many days that I slump on the floor in tears while three of girls are tearing up the house and the fourth is throwing another epic 45 minute tantrum. But then there are beautiful moments too. When the girls tell me with a hug that I am a good mom. That they love me. That they are happy. When they smile and run into our arms like we have the same blood running through our veins.

We garden and have animals because we love it and we also love eating well and eating what our hands have planted and grown and raised and milked. We parent because the Lord has blessed us with children. We foster parent because there are kids in this city without a loving home to call there own, and we have made ourselves available to loving them as our own, baggage and all.

Our life is messy, but it is purposeful. So there are dishes in the sink resembling Mount Everest. And the very long tantrums and aggression with our preschoolers continue every day. And we are six weeks or less out from baby and I am waddling around like a penguin with skinny legs.

But really, in the end, our messy life right now is really quite beautiful.  

Milking tales

My two-year-old Lyla has thrown my tiny netbook computer on the floor one too many times. All of my USB ports finally broke, so no pictures can be uploaded at the moment. Not that I had any free hands to capture this event with my camera anyway, but I guess I felt the need for a valid excuse.

Now that our goat kids are old enough, we have begun the daily morning milking. On the days that Eric is not home or has to leave early for work, I take over the morning shift. Of course, it's cold and rainy this morning and I have to milk. It's May and the low temps are back in the 30's. Nobody is happy about this. At eight months pregnant, I am still battling morning sickness every day and would prefer to not have to spend my nauseous moments wrestling with a goat's rump in order to get milk in the pail. But I do, because let's be honest, I may not love the moment, but I do love my goats and the rich milk they produce! So there I am in the drizzle, sitting on the milk stanchion with one arm wrapped around Jane's rump to keep her still and the other hand working her teat to get the milk out.

Jane doesn't have the most wonderfully placed teats in the world, which makes getting the milk into the pail kind of a challenge. Yesterday it took me several minutes before I looked down and discovered that I had thoroughly coated my jacket with milk and not one drop had landed in the pail at all. This morning I paid slightly more attention to the pail's position and had a good rhythm going until Jane finished the grain in the feeder. At which point she began to bawl and buck her head to get it out of the stanchion. Now, I'm sure that most people have heard a goat bleat, but probably not as many have heard them scream. Let me tell you, this scream is eerily human sounding and extremely loud. I wouldn't care if we were on a farm, but at 7 in the morning in the city with neighbors' windows literally ten feet away, it becomes a bit of an issue.
So of course, Jane starts screaming and I am only halfway done. Still wrestling with her rump to hold her still (with my very pregnant belly getting in the way the entire time), I start on the other side. Frothy rich milk streams into the pail, steaming. Love. I am finally feeling good about this milking session. Jane is still screaming, so I look up and start talking to her to soothe her as I milk. I guess that was her cue.

Now we have milk with goat berries.
Dump the pail, start again.
.......

Finally, I finish. With less than half of what I would have gotten due to the berry issue, at least I have enough milk to bring inside and strain. I gather up my milking supplies and pail to bring inside. And just as I am reaching to open the latch on the gate of the pen, our other mama goat, Claire, jumps up behind me and puts both of her front feet smack into my milk pail. The pail tips. The milk dumps. I shout some mild expletives and aim a swift kick at her (which she pranced away from just in time). I'm covered in milk, Claire's covered in milk, the ground is covered in milk. Jane is following me around and still screaming. It's still raining.

I go into the house and there is Lexi in the mud room, all smiles. "Did you get some milk for us, Mama?!? I'm so excited!"

Nope. No milk. Not even a drop.
Eric is back on duty tomorrow. Can't wait. :-)