Tricks-or-Treats

This year, I discovered the true fun of Halloween. Preach at me all you want about how evil and weird of a holiday it is (which is true), but seriously, I had so much fun! You see, when I was about six years old, my family decided to not celebrate Halloween anymore. Which inevitably meant no trick-or-treating for the remainder of my childhood.

This year, since I no longer live under my parent's roof, and since Eric was so adamant about dressing up like Mr. Tumnus, I couldn't say no this year. After all, Lexi makes one super cute Aslan! And who can refuse giving free candy to a little blue-eyed-lion baby?!? We thrifted and sewed our costumes to create not only Mr. Tumnus (Eric), Susan (me), and Aslan (Lexi), but we also had Lucy, the White Witch, a Minotaur, and Reepicheep the rat....a rather odd Narnian combination, but it worked.

Lexi and I made a killing on candy (Eric had to cop out early due to being a bit chilly in his shirtless condition). Afterwards we had a dance party at a friend's house, complete with pumpkin pie and apple cider. So I am pretty sure that until I am convicted otherwise, we will be hitting the streets on Halloween night next year....this time as Lord of the Rings characters.

I think Lexi would make a good Gandalf.

Powerful beyond measure

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson

(A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3])

Out of the Chaos

In 1997, my family moved to a tiny little town of 700 people in a rural farming community in northern Illinois. We lived in Capron for 5 years (the population is now up to 1,000 by the way), ending our country life by moving to San Jose, Costa Rica in 2002. And then we proceeded to move to Mexico City, Mexico the following year. In 2005, I moved to yet another big city, Chicago, to attend college. Six years later, in 2011, I am still in the city, and seeing no signs of leaving anytime soon.

Trips out to the country are welcome and necessary for a little soul cleansing and refreshment. It is such a delight to look outside and be able to see for miles...to breathe clean, fresh air and smell the grass and plants and hear the trees sing and dance in the wind.... The colors are so much more vibrant out here. Everything feels more alive. At peace with the world.

This past weekend, Eric and Lexi and made the long drive out to that same farming community that I lived that happy wonderful part of my life in. We spent most of the day at Edward's Apple Orchard in Poplar Grove, my family's favorite place to go to every fall. We drank hot cider, ate warm fresh apple cider donuts, ate crunchy sweet apples, and picked a pumpkin for Lexi off the vine.

Old memories, mixed with new ones.

At ten years old, when my family first moved here, I would never have guessed that fourteen years later I would bring my daughter here. That coming here would be such a delight after so much time in so many busy cities.

Pumpkins and corn!

Lexi is obviously a pro at this. Eric could use a little help though...

Good thing goats don't like little baby fingers!

Taking a "ride" on the Edward's train express.

Queen of the pumpkin patch, obviously.

Happily guzzling all of my cider.

On our way home, we stopped at my sweet old home on Wooster street, in the sleepy, decaying town of Capron. So many happy days were spent in this old house. I still miss it sometimes. So much has changed since then. Life has become much more bittersweet. More complicated and messy. But still beautiful in it's own way.

Baby, what?!?!

Just take one look at that priceless face and you'll know what's up.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I will give you one guess:

It has to do with Lexi becoming a big sister in April!

Despite the fact that our increasingly forgotten cats still haven't gotten used to having Lexi around (they harbor some serious resentment...), the rest of us are so excited about another little one joining our family this coming spring!

Oh, the irony

A few short hours following my doom and gloom post a couple of days ago, I came down with the stomach flu and was confined to my bed and the bathroom (we split the time 50/50) for the following two and a half days. I discovered some interesting things while I was sickly in my bed. I have never seen the floor rock so crazily before! Every time I tried to walk around it was like the wood floors had turned into ocean waves. I also discovered that when I tried to read, the words all jumbled up and then made me even more sick. I watched an entire season of JERICHO, which is about 24 episodes long...about 45 minutes each...you get the picture. I kissed Lexi good morning, sneaked a peak at her on my way to the bathroom, and then kissed her good night...for two days straight...and missed her terribly in-between.

I also found out that the lovely people that I took so much time to complain about a couple of days before, spent those entire two days taking care of me and watching my daughter full time so that I could be sick and then recover properly. Eric had to be out on photo shoots for most of those two days and I have NO IDEA what I would have done if our friends didn't already live here. Ironic, isn't it?

Although it's never fun to be sick (especially with the flu...I could seriously do without that, thank you) it is interesting that when you are at your most vulnerable, and somebody that has been getting on your nerves lately unconditionally cares for you and your family, the perspective of the entire situation suddenly shifts. So thank you, Nick and Abby and Eric, for having servant hearts, and despite my whining, love me regardless. You have been invaluable to me this week.

It's also pretty amazing how my perspective on life in general has changed now that I am feeling better and can actually keep down my dinner (small as it may be still). Note to my future self: never blog when you are coming down with a virus. The irony of the situation will only increase in retrospect. Guaranteed.

Here's to a happy tomorrow.

Thoughts

I haven't really felt inspired to write anything. Hence the silence. I have lots of pictures, but they are still on my camera, waiting to be downloaded to the computer, processed, and then exported. Hence the lack of pictures.

I don't really have any stories to tell, because life has felt hard lately. Living with another family has not been easy for me. It has never been easy for me, but lately it seems to have become even more difficult.

I am committed to a year. A good year. But I can't see beyond that right now. And I think that's OK. We have 10 months until our lease is up and lots can and will happen between now and then. Things can change. Things will change. And other things will stay the same. I'm OK with that. I guess what I am trying to say is that it's hard for me to put up a front and write on here like everything is fine when I don't actually feel that way myself. It is hard to live with another family and share the same space all the time. I anticipated this going into it, but the reality of the difficult times are never fun. So I apologize to my family members for the lengthy delays and lack of Lexi pictures. I do plan on putting some up soon. Sometime. When life starts looking up a little bit and some joy creeps back in and I stop complaining all the time.

This summer has seemed to go by incredibly fast, yet at the same time agonizingly slow. The school across the street from us started today, reminding me that summer is really at an end. All the kids arriving in their smart navy blue pants and crisp white polo shirts, accompanied by excited younger siblings and late tired parents. The weather feels cooler lately, but I am sure there is another heat wave or two headed in our direction. I am always a little sad and a little glad when another school year starts without me. I always loved the first week of school. The new supplies, the crisp yummy smelling books and sharp pencils. The anticipation of all that we are going to learn. But glad that I have a new life now. Glad that my dream of being a mom has materialized. Glad that I can dedicate my time to my family and my community, instead of my personal academics. Excited that it's my turn to be the teacher and yet begin to learn in so many different areas of life.

A David Psalm

Psalm 23

A David Psalm

^1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

⁴ Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

⁵ You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

⁶ Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.

(The Message)

I am chased down by the God of the Universe. Who wants to show His beauty to me. Who wants to surround me with His love. Every single day that I am alive.

How awesome is that?!?